Why can't you write/speak proper?

If we’re going to improve the standard of spoken english, especially in Australia, then possibly the first place to start is with that vernacular affectionately referred to as ‘bogan’. In my opinion, it’s just plain lazy. Here are two classic examples.

“I seen him coming.”

“I knew that when I come here.”

Strange. Unnecessary. Lazy. These are so easy to fix, and there is no excuse. Pity no one conjugates in school anymore, as that simple exercise would probably solve this growing problem.

The correct phrases are easy, and anyone with an ounce of understanding of the language can see the errors a mile away.

The first one should be “saw” – “I saw him coming.” Say it bogans. Now say it again.

And for the second one, the correct past tense is “came” – “when I came here”.

Kill the bogans, and revive the language people.

Here’s another tongue-failure that’s been biting at me for a while …FEBRUARY.

Now you wouldn’t think that would be too difficult, would you? Everyone has to utter this word at some point or another. Probably several times. And I imagine the frequency is greater around the second month of every year. So why is it that so many people get it wrong?

There are two ways this one gets screwed up. The first is possibly the worst – dropping an entire syllable. Now pay attention people: this word has FOUR syllables in it. Count them. FOUR. Pronounce it with me: FEB-REW-AIR-EE. That’s four. So if you’re only using three syllables (such as the very popular but badly mistaken FEB-YEW-REE) then there is the first clue to your error. Three syllables = WRONG!

Then there are those that manage four syllables, but still get it wrong. You know who I’m talking about. All of you who say FEB-YEW-AIR-EE. That’s wrong people. Why is it wrong? Just look at the spelling of the word: f-e-b-r-u-a-r-y. Look closely – there’s an R in that second syllable. So that means the word is pronounced FEB-REW-AIR-EE. Say it again everyone – FEB-REW-AIR-EE. Practice it. Get it right.

February = FEB-REW-AIR-EE

UPDATE:

A while we’re on the subject of the mispronounciation of months, let me just add a quick whine about the mispronounciation of “months”!! Can you see the “th” in there? Can you? “th” as in “there”, “that”, or “this”. So the word isn’t “munce”, and it doesn’t rhyme with “dunce”. It’s not difficult to get that “th” sound in there, so stop being lazy – stop being a dunce.

MONTHTHTHTHTHTHS

Take a look at the evening news. Listen to the radio. Speak to your friends at work. It’s happening everywhere. People are dropping “L” off the ends of words.

I used to think this was just unique to Adelaide, where I first heard this phenomenon. Now it’s happening everywhere. Instead of “brick wall” I hear “brick waw”. Instead of “free fall” I head “free faw”. Ls at the start of words don’t seem to be causing problems, nor do words with Ls in the middle (for most people at least, though there is a nasty trend starting). So I know people remember how to pronounce their Ls.

Horror of horrors, it seems our current Prime Minister Julia Gillard is one of the worst offenders. Listening to her during question time today, in a very moving speech following the loss of a soldier in Afghanistan, her gentle words were ruined by her poor pronunciation.

It’s time for everyone to start paying attention to their own use of the letter L at the end of words. At first it was hilarious to hear people pronounce “level” as “levew” – so you get it right the first time, but just get lazy by the end of the word!

It’s not “schoow”, it’s “schooL”.

It’s not “hauw”, it’s “haul”.

It’s not “sayew”, it’s “sale”.

It’s not “faiw”, it’s “fail”. And that’s just what you’re doing.

So listen up. And check your own speech. Stick that tongue to the roof of your mouth and make sure those Ls on the ends of words are pronounced strongly and clearly.

I get so pissed off at people that say or write “would of” or “could of” or “should of”. For god’s sake people, it’s not difficult!

The correct phrases are “would have”, “could have” and “should have”. Got it?

Just look at the contractions of those words (would’ve, could’ve, should’ve) if you get confused. The “ve” in each one comes from the word “have” after the apostrophe has replaced the “ha”.

No excuses any more.

Some politicians never fail to amaze when they insist on trying to appear smarter than they are. One of the biggest tricks in the politician’s book – apart from taking a long time to say nothing – is to use lots of big words. Sometimes they even know what they mean! But one of their funniest (and most infuriating) habits is when they make up words.

Bush is famous for it (take “newkewlar” for example), but that’s not quite what this post is about. His are just bouts of idiocy and ignorance.

My favourite is the “incentivise” family of made-up words. When politicians were looking for a way to say “this policy will really motivate people into action”, some smart little darling came up with “this policy will incentivise people”. Okay, let’s make this clear, gumdrop – there is no such word as “incentivise”. The word you want is “motivate”.

It soon got to the point of the ridiculous when they needed a noun for their policy. And if the word they made up is “incentivise”, then the logical extension is “incentivisation”. Yes, I’m serious, politicians began speaking of generating the necessary “incentivisation”. People, if the first word is “motivate”, then the noun is “motivation”.

I know it all began because “motive” can be a spurious word in political circles, and “incentive” can sound much better. But really guys, you’re just compounding the error here.

Try using english instead.

[Update: From an english television show I was watching tonight I was presented with the “intensitivity”!! This from an english broadcaster??? The word is “intensive” guys – and you should know that!]

Why the hell am I writing this blog?

Frankly, I’m finally getting so sick and tired of the poor use of the english language here in Australia, that I’ve opened this blog as a means of venting my frustration. Even the title has been deliberately mangled to highlight the growing lack of respect and adherence that I see and hear around me every day.

Now I freely admit that I’m far from perfect, and I know I have my own failings with the language. But I’m becoming increasingly annoyed at things like:

– the bastardisation / americanisation of english – if you want to write/speak like an American, then go to America!
– poor grammer, even from quarters that are supposed to know better
– a growing disregard for correct spelling (and a growing americanisation of spelling, which is sometimes even worse!)

I’ll only update the blog occassionally as I see fit, or when something particularly annoys me!