Why can't you write/speak proper?

Like any grammar nazi, I get really annoyed when I see very public spelling errors. I get even more annoyed when those errors were introduced deliberately, by some complete numb-nut, as “corrections”. Here are two that got to me this morning. They’re both quite old, and have each been around for years now, but that doesn’t mean I’ve accepted them yet.

Australia is going through something of a political crisis at the moment. We’re in the very sad situation where enough voters were sucked in by a campaign of lies and deceit that a bunch of morons were elected and they are now progressively destroying our nation. The other side of politics, however, is the Australian Labor Party. How the hell am I expected to vote for a party that can’t even spell its own party name right?

And as a Science Fiction fan from my early childhood, I never understood why some dickhead television executive would change the perfectly logical and well-understood SciFi cable channel name to “SyFy”. WTF? What is “siffy”? That means nothing! At least SciFi meant something – we all knew what the channel was for and what programs we could expect from its name. Now? If someone can please explain what a “siffy” is, I’d be most grateful.

Two dumb changes that need to be corrected and changed back. I could vote for the Australian Labour Party, and I’d look forward to many pleasant hours watching Science Fiction on the SciFi channel. But right now, neither get my vote.

People in the corporate world seem to love making themselves sound important. Often they do this by dropping names, inserting large (often inappropriate) words into their sentences, or just behaving like a knob. Alas, they also seem to do this by making up new, ludicrous, but pseudo-important-sounding phrases. If you’ve ever been in a corporate meeting or presentation and played the old game of “Bullshit Bingo”, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The current phrase-of-the-day that seems to be making the rounds of the corporate world these days makes me cringe and scream every time I hear it. One of these days I’m just going to be forced to punch someone out.

“Going forward” (aka “Moving forward”)

Here’s an example: “This will be a critical strategy going forward.”

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

One – it means NOTHING!

Two – it adds NOTHING!

Three – 99 times out of 100 it is TOTALLY REDUNDANT!!

That sentence above would have had just as much impact and meant just as much either without the extra wordage, or with something as simple and far more meaningful as “for our future”. Alas, I’m hearing it several times a day lately, and I fear any reaction on my part now will risk the ongoing viability of my employment.

So please help me: If you hear this phrase, if you are witness to it in a meeting or presentation, then COUGH LOUDLY, or SNEEZE LOUDLY, and under that distracting sound mutter “BINGO!” Hopefully, together, we will eradicate this latest lunacy from our language!

Some politicians never fail to amaze when they insist on trying to appear smarter than they are. One of the biggest tricks in the politician’s book – apart from taking a long time to say nothing – is to use lots of big words. Sometimes they even know what they mean! But one of their funniest (and most infuriating) habits is when they make up words.

Bush is famous for it (take “newkewlar” for example), but that’s not quite what this post is about. His are just bouts of idiocy and ignorance.

My favourite is the “incentivise” family of made-up words. When politicians were looking for a way to say “this policy will really motivate people into action”, some smart little darling came up with “this policy will incentivise people”. Okay, let’s make this clear, gumdrop – there is no such word as “incentivise”. The word you want is “motivate”.

It soon got to the point of the ridiculous when they needed a noun for their policy. And if the word they made up is “incentivise”, then the logical extension is “incentivisation”. Yes, I’m serious, politicians began speaking of generating the necessary “incentivisation”. People, if the first word is “motivate”, then the noun is “motivation”.

I know it all began because “motive” can be a spurious word in political circles, and “incentive” can sound much better. But really guys, you’re just compounding the error here.

Try using english instead.

[Update: From an english television show I was watching tonight I was presented with the “intensitivity”!! This from an english broadcaster??? The word is “intensive” guys – and you should know that!]