Why can't you write/speak proper?

Here’s another tongue-failure that’s been biting at me for a while …FEBRUARY.

Now you wouldn’t think that would be too difficult, would you? Everyone has to utter this word at some point or another. Probably several times. And I imagine the frequency is greater around the second month of every year. So why is it that so many people get it wrong?

There are two ways this one gets screwed up. The first is possibly the worst – dropping an entire syllable. Now pay attention people: this word has FOUR syllables in it. Count them. FOUR. Pronounce it with me: FEB-REW-AIR-EE. That’s four. So if you’re only using three syllables (such as the very popular but badly mistaken FEB-YEW-REE) then there is the first clue to your error. Three syllables = WRONG!

Then there are those that manage four syllables, but still get it wrong. You know who I’m talking about. All of you who say FEB-YEW-AIR-EE. That’s wrong people. Why is it wrong? Just look at the spelling of the word: f-e-b-r-u-a-r-y. Look closely – there’s an R in that second syllable. So that means the word is pronounced FEB-REW-AIR-EE. Say it again everyone – FEB-REW-AIR-EE. Practice it. Get it right.

February = FEB-REW-AIR-EE

UPDATE:

A while we’re on the subject of the mispronounciation of months, let me just add a quick whine about the mispronounciation of “months”!! Can you see the “th” in there? Can you? “th” as in “there”, “that”, or “this”. So the word isn’t “munce”, and it doesn’t rhyme with “dunce”. It’s not difficult to get that “th” sound in there, so stop being lazy – stop being a dunce.

MONTHTHTHTHTHTHS

Take a look at the evening news. Listen to the radio. Speak to your friends at work. It’s happening everywhere. People are dropping “L” off the ends of words.

I used to think this was just unique to Adelaide, where I first heard this phenomenon. Now it’s happening everywhere. Instead of “brick wall” I hear “brick waw”. Instead of “free fall” I head “free faw”. Ls at the start of words don’t seem to be causing problems, nor do words with Ls in the middle (for most people at least, though there is a nasty trend starting). So I know people remember how to pronounce their Ls.

Horror of horrors, it seems our current Prime Minister Julia Gillard is one of the worst offenders. Listening to her during question time today, in a very moving speech following the loss of a soldier in Afghanistan, her gentle words were ruined by her poor pronunciation.

It’s time for everyone to start paying attention to their own use of the letter L at the end of words. At first it was hilarious to hear people pronounce “level” as “levew” – so you get it right the first time, but just get lazy by the end of the word!

It’s not “schoow”, it’s “schooL”.

It’s not “hauw”, it’s “haul”.

It’s not “sayew”, it’s “sale”.

It’s not “faiw”, it’s “fail”. And that’s just what you’re doing.

So listen up. And check your own speech. Stick that tongue to the roof of your mouth and make sure those Ls on the ends of words are pronounced strongly and clearly.

I get so pissed off at people that say or write “would of” or “could of” or “should of”. For god’s sake people, it’s not difficult!

The correct phrases are “would have”, “could have” and “should have”. Got it?

Just look at the contractions of those words (would’ve, could’ve, should’ve) if you get confused. The “ve” in each one comes from the word “have” after the apostrophe has replaced the “ha”.

No excuses any more.

Some politicians never fail to amaze when they insist on trying to appear smarter than they are. One of the biggest tricks in the politician’s book – apart from taking a long time to say nothing – is to use lots of big words. Sometimes they even know what they mean! But one of their funniest (and most infuriating) habits is when they make up words.

Bush is famous for it (take “newkewlar” for example), but that’s not quite what this post is about. His are just bouts of idiocy and ignorance.

My favourite is the “incentivise” family of made-up words. When politicians were looking for a way to say “this policy will really motivate people into action”, some smart little darling came up with “this policy will incentivise people”. Okay, let’s make this clear, gumdrop – there is no such word as “incentivise”. The word you want is “motivate”.

It soon got to the point of the ridiculous when they needed a noun for their policy. And if the word they made up is “incentivise”, then the logical extension is “incentivisation”. Yes, I’m serious, politicians began speaking of generating the necessary “incentivisation”. People, if the first word is “motivate”, then the noun is “motivation”.

I know it all began because “motive” can be a spurious word in political circles, and “incentive” can sound much better. But really guys, you’re just compounding the error here.

Try using english instead.

[Update: From an english television show I was watching tonight I was presented with the “intensitivity”!! This from an english broadcaster??? The word is “intensive” guys – and you should know that!]

It seems even the ‘bastion’ of good english in this country can’t quite get it right.

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation (the ‘aunty’) employs many professional writers (including scores of journalists), and to ensure they all uphold the best traditions of the english language, the ‘aunty’ also has an internal Standing Committee on Spoken English’, affectionately and collectively called SCOSE. Now generally, this body is a very valuable resource within the national broadcaster, and I will probably include a number of excerpts from their reports in this blog in the future. But, alas, even SCOSE gets it wrong.

In one of their recent bulletins to staff, SCOSE made the following comment:

‘A group of agricultural experts believes there may be other options for farmers who might be considering leaving the land.’

This is another example of the same mistake. The head noun is experts (plural). So the verb should be plural believe, not singular believes.

Sorry aunty, that’s wrong. The word ‘group’ modifies the noun ‘experts’ so that the subject becomes a singular – in this case, a group. The test for this sort of sentence is to remove the noun that is being modified. If the sentence were to read just ‘A group believes…’ then we wouldn’t complain. But saying ‘A group believe …’ as SCOSE suggests is wrong. Without the word ‘group’ in there, SCOSE may be correct – in that case it would be ‘Experts believe…’ which would be right. But now we’re talking about a singular ‘group’, not the plural ‘experts’.

The original sentence is correct, and SCOSE is wrong. Unfortunately, this is an error SCOSE has repeated in a couple of their monthly bulletins.

Another example of SCOSE’s occassional misjudgement comes from a much earlier bulletin, and deals with the possessive form of proper nouns that end in the letter ‘s’. In one report, a journalist was berated for referring (as I recall) to “Ben Cousins’ lawyer”. The journalist was told that they should have said (or written) “Ben Cousins’s lawyer”. Bzzzzt. Wrong. It has always been the case in English, that where a person’s name ends in an ‘s’ (such as ‘Cousins’), then it is INCORRECT to add another ‘s’ after the name when turning it into the possessive form. We might say “Ben’s lawyer” (because ‘Ben’ does not end in an ‘s’, so we can add a possessive ‘s’ to it), but it is WRONG to say “Cousins’s lawyer”. Just listen to the buzzing sound it creates – CUZZ-enz-ez!!

We never heard about “Jesus’s disciples”, it was always “Jesus’ disciples”. 

When the name has an ‘s’ on the end and we need to turn it into the possessive form, we DO NOT add an extra ‘s’, just an apostrophe – as the journalist originally and correctly did when he/she used “Ben Cousins’ lawyer”.

Admittedly, there is still something of a grey area when the name ends in an ‘s’ sound, but not necessarily in the letter – such as Louise, Prudence, or Maurice. Purists will argue that here, too, an extra ‘s’ is incorrect (that it should be “Louise’ book”, “Prudence’ teacher” and “Maurice’ lawyer”) , though support here seems to have been waning in recent years.

In one of the worst cases of public misspellings I’ve seen in a hell of a long time, the Australian Labour Party – the political party currently in power in Australia, both federally and in every state – has suddenly become unable to spell its own name!

Now I normally vote for Labour, but after seeing the huge banners behind Kevin Rudd when he was making his acceptance speech last year, I’m seriously considering my loyalties. After all, why would I vote for someone who can’t even spell their own name!! Not only have they embarassed themselves with their banners, but now even their website repeats this misspelling at every opportunity.

For the benefit of those at the ALP responsible for these things, the spelling is L-A-B-O-U-R. Yes, Virginia, there is a ‘u’ in that word.

The Australian Council of Trade Unions – the peak body representing workers and their rights – seems quite able to manage it. Even though they’re the gatekeepers of the labour movement in Australia, the word ‘labour’ doesn’t appear too often on their website. But when it does, at least they’ve spelled it right. Are the ALP trying to distance themselves from the ACTU?

The ALP has extended this embarassment all the way to the Australian Electoral Commission. According to the AEC’s website, even the ALP’s registration data is misspelled. If only the law was clearer about ensuring that political parties can only have real words in their name.

Let’s make this clear people: there is NO SUCH WORD as “labor” in Australia – it doesn’t exist. The word is LABOUR.